Tag Archives: Friends

Lost And Found

I have just had the most stressful half an hour. I spent the evening with some friends at a friend’s place, mostly spent bitching about other people. At 10pm I said goodnight to everyone and made my way home. I was walking along nonchalantly, opened the door to my house, went inside and started to take my coat off and empty my pockets. I had my bus pass (which included my student I.D) in my right pocket but after putting my hand into the pocket I did not find anything but an empty one. I started to panic. I checked the other pockets, my coat pockets. I emptied the contents of my bag but a bus pass was not to be found. Maybe it fell out of my pocket on the way to my house? So, I proceeded to retrace every single step until I got to my friend’s house again (lucky that I have a fairly good memory)!  I must have looked like a moron scanning every inch of the pavement infront of me. I knocked on my friend’s door and she let me in. Before I left my house in search of the bus pass, I had texted my friend so that she could check her flat. But she had reported no bus pass. We then checked the sofa again, behind the sofa, under the sofa, every crevice of the sofa and any other surrounding areas. I then gave up the fight. With me being slightly religious, as soon as I found out that my bus pass was missing, I prayed to St. Anthony – the patron saint of lost things. I hadn’t prayed to him in awhile and so I thought that it may be unlikely that he’d help me successfully. As I said goodbye to my friend, she decided to check her other sofa. The sofa that I had only sat on for no more than two minutes. And there, in the gap in the middle of her sofa was my bus pass! It was highly unlikely that it could have dropped down there. Firstly, I was sitting on the right side of the two seated sofa and secondly, my bus pass was placed in my right pocket. I should not have doubted St. Anthony. I now have my bus pass which cost me over £100 to buy and my student ID which would have cost me £5 to replace.

“Get lost and then get found and you’ll come back to me.”
Swallowed In The Sea by Coldplay

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The Good Samaritan

I am sorry I have failed to write posts for both Thursday and Friday. Thursday evening I did a variety of things such as getting my nails done, going out to have a meal at a restaurant and also going to the cinema to see He’s Just Not That Into You (which will be the topic for one of my blog posts next week).  Friday, I was travelling back from London to Canterbury and on Saturday, I started my first day’s training with the Samaritans.

All in all, my first training day went well. There were only two girls there of my age (not that I am ageist or anything). One of these girls left during the lunch break and never came back for the second half. I’m guessing she wasn’t committed to being a Samaritan. It is quite a tough job being one. To become a Samaritan you must learn to be non-judgemental, compassionate, kind and a great listener. You can’t give any advice either. We all have our prejudices but we have to learn to curb them when on duty.

The day was filled with ice breakers, exercises and roleplays. Roleplays being the most nerve-wracking, having a Samaritan pretend to be the caller and you having to act as the Samaritan. We were told so many things in our first day of training; we couldn’t be judgemental, we couldn’t give advice, there were certain questions that we couldn’t use and we had to phrase questions in a particular way, we couldn’t sound too optimistic either. It seemed impossible to actually carry out a phonecall even if it was a fake one!

I am hoping that as we work through the sessions everything will become more familiar to us. I hope that I will start to pick things up and the skills mentioned above will occur more naturally. I am also looking forward to getting to know the other trainees on my course a little better too. I think that meeting new people is definitely a positive thing.

Some may be asking why I want to become a Samaritan. In order for me to apply for postgraduate studies in Counselling Psychology, I must have some kind of experience working in a counselling role. One of the suggestions was telephone counselling such as the Samaritans. It is a stepping stone in my career and it will provide me a wealth of experience.

I must be going now. A dear friend of mine is making her special curry for me and I cannot be late for that! I will be posting another entry this evening, so stay tuned.

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It’s Valentines weekend!

I thought I would write today’s post earlier than usual as we have arrived at the Valentines weekend of 2009 and I will not have another chance to post. I will be spending Valentines Day with my boyfriend, not to sound smug (I will also be seeing friends, I’m not neglecting them)! I hope you all have a good weekend as it is back to work or school afterwards! Whether you are single and celebrating freedom, celebrating your relationship with your loved one or spending time with your family, I want to wish you a very Happy Valentines day and I hope you have fun in whatever you get up to. Here are two videos from some of my favourite people. Enjoy!

Robert Pattinson’s Valentines Message

Jonas Brothers’ Valentines Message

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Karma Chameleon.

I have had the most bizarre week speaking to people from my past who I haven’t spoken to in a long time. It may be wise to set up the scene about a particular situation. About two and a half years ago I was dating a guy who had the same group of friends as me. During our relationship he cheated on me with one of my friends. We split up and I went to University in another town. My ex and my friend got it together, within two weeks they were engaged, she got pregnant, they got married and they had their baby. It was made worse because we had the same group of friends and therefore my support network was ripped from me. I had no one to comfort me, to console me, to fight for me. I am not one who makes friends easily which was made harder by having no exisiting friends back at home. One friend was especially two faced who worked both sides. She was my best friend and I had done countless of favours for her, including many long hours listening to her ramblings. Some people have a tendency to be quite fickle, I was not attending University in my hometown and she, being a fickle person, fell for the ‘out of sight, out of mind trap’. This occurred at the beginning of my first year and I am now in the middle of my third.

This ex best friend recently wrote on a mutual friends’ wall on Facebook stating that she does not speak to the group of friends that I once had because she had broken up with her boyfriend and these friends were not keeping in touch. My mother had always said to me that there is such a thing as Karma. When my ex had wronged me, my mother said I should not get too upset, that Karma will force upon their lives sooner or later. And the same applied to my ex best friend. It seems that Karma definitely was delayed in this case. But I think it works better as a delayed reaction than as an instant one. Now my ex best friend will be able to empathise with me and realise that she was supporting two shitty friends and  the way she acted was shitty too. My ex best friend had left me when I was at my lowest and kicked me when I was down. And now it seems like the same thing is happening to her. Do not misunderstand me, I am not taking this in vain, I am not revelling in her misfortune. I am a strong believer in justice, something that Karma is motivated to bring about.

“I believe in Karma, what you give is what you get returned.”
Affirmation by Savage Garden

I bought a poster in the poster sale at University when I was in my first year. I needed more posters to cover up the disgusting colour of the walls. The poster was oblong shaped and was titled ‘Instructions For Life by Dalai Lama’. In fact, it was not written by the Dalai Lama. It was a ‘hoax’ sent amongst people as a chain email (you can read comments on this here). I would like to think that someone else attempted to summarise the Dalai Lama’s workings into several, short statements, they certainly sound something the Dalai Lama would encourage. And it does ring true, all should follow this as guidelines for life.

  • Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  • When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  • Follow the Three R’s: Respect for self. Respect or others. Responsibility for all of your actions,
  • Remember that not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.
  • Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  • Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  • When you realise you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  • Spend some time alone every day.
  • Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  • Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  • Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  • A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  • In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  • Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
  • Be gentle with earth.
  • Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  • Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need each other.
  • Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  • Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

There have been a lot of personal reasons which are evidential proof to me that there is such a thing as Karma. The experience I have had today has been the most enlightening.  I already achieve each one of the ‘Instructions For Life’ every single day (minus one or two perhaps, which I am working on). There must be reasons why good is favoured over evil and Karma could be one reason. Bible teachings would agree with the ways of  Karmic force, not necessarily Karma itself but the fact that the idea of Karma promotes one to be good to all mankind. I did message my ex best friend and she replied to me. What has been said, has been done and I will not make attempts to become friends with her again. That would mean I would have to be fake, something which I am not. But I have cleared the air, I have never spoken to her about the way I felt towards her actions and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I am someone who naturally holds grudges, I need to cultivate that energy into moving on rather than stalemating the past.

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My body may be made of fire but my soul is made of ice.

As we touched upon the importance of The Ice Queen Diaries in my last post and what it means for me to blog. I thought it would make an an insightful post if I were to talk about what it means to be an Ice Queen, what definitions there are and also what is in the media about them.

Firstly, people ask me “Why are you called an Ice Queen?” It is a long story indeed which I may get to tell you in another post, I’ll only use that as my backup post if I have nothing else to write about. I have been wronged in the past, majorly, by both friends and guys. I did not turn into an Ice Queen, I believe I always was one. Keeping myself a distance from others, expecting nothing from anyone and being pleasantly surprised if something came unexpected. My ex boyfriend in a very inapproriate, unfair and rude email claimed that I was an ‘Ice Queen’. What he said about me was untrue, he tried to blame everything on my character without even looking at his own. His own character was far more severe and crude than any Ice Queen could ever be. The tag Ice Queen stuck, it was the best way to describe me at the time. He had been very perceptive. So I took on the name and decided to use it as a way of life.

Firstly, here are some definitions of what an Ice Queen is, found on Urban Dictionary:

  • Definition 1: A sweet and beautiful girl, who is rumoured to be cold blooded and heartless.
  • Definition 2: A beautiful woman with an ugly personality; one who disregards the feelings of others.
  • Definition 3: A beautiful woman who refuses sexual advances; frigid.
  • Definition 4: A cold and haughty woman.
  • Definition 5: A woman who lacks the ability to empathise or put herself in another’s shoes.
  • Definition 6: A  woman who lacks the ability or chooses not to effectively define or react to another’s mode of thought and mood.
  • Definition 7: A woman who is so overly concerned with her situation that she does not prioritize or account for another’s needs.
  • Definition 8: A woman who lacks empathy in situations where another’s needs are clearly greater than her wants.
  • Definition 9: A girl capable of such emotional scaring and cruelty.

“My body may be made of fire but my soul is made of ice.”
I’m Cold by The Cure

I then turned to imdb.com, where I found a 2005 film called Ice Queen and was given a rating of three stars out of ten. The plot involves a unique female species being transported from the Pleistocene Age (Ice Age) and whilst this happens a military vehicle is abducted. The Ice Queen must be kept in low temperatures at all times, otherwise she would awake aggressively. However, she is being transported via airplane and somehow she is warmed, wakes up and kills the pilot. The airplane crashes into a snow avalanche which falls over, buries a resort with it, trapping people with the Ice Queen. The Ice Queen kills some of the people, whilst a guy named Johnny, his girlfriend Tori and some other girl try to escape to save their lives. (I can see why it was only given three stars! I demand a better film using the Ice Queen as their theme!  But I get what they’re saying, the Ice Queen must be kept cool at all times. You must not aggravate her in any way, for she will kill you. End of).

I then thought about Wikipedia. It is one of the most unreliable sources around in terms of referencing. But in general, what can people say about the name Ice Queen. It lead me onto a book by Alice Hoffman called ‘The Ice Queen’ published in 2006 by Vintage Books.

“Wishes… burn your tongue the moment they’re spoken and you can never take them back.”
The Ice Queen by Alice Hoffman

The Ice Queen is a woman without a name who makes a wish when only 8 years old that ruins her life. She grows up cold and unfriendly until one day, when she stands by her kitchen window, she is struck by a bolt of lightening. She survives this lightening but is transformed into ice and for some reason can no longer see the colour red. In passing, she hears of a man named Lazurus Jones, who also experienced the same bolt of lightening. But instead of ice, he changes into having a heart and soul made of fire. They have a turbulent love affair, which would be expected by the clever play of hot and cold polar opposites of these characters. How one became full of fire and the other became made of ice. It seems like a cheesy and almost predictable plot, but funnily enough, this was one of the better plots I came across. I think maybe I should think about writing a novel, try to make it more original and less stereotypical than the examples I have found thus far.

My last attempt was yet again on Wikipedia. It was a song called Ice Queen by Dutch rock group Within Temptation. I had remembered that I had this song in my MP3 collection. The Ice Queen is never mentioned in the song and is only referred to as ‘she’. The song implies that she is not a force to be reckoned with and that she is guilty of murder. Many fans have speculated that the Ice Queen in this song is archetypal and may even be inspired by the White Witch Jadis from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. She is also the personification of Winter and is also a satanic character. Here is the video for Within Temption’s song Ice Queen.

After seeing the definitions of an Ice Queen, I thought “Surely all these definitions cannot be true?” I think most of the definitions touch upon how icy and cold an Ice Queen’s feelings are. And most of the time I am generally unfeeling towards others, but people underestimate Ice Queens. Ice Queens are the way they are because someone has hurt them somewhere along the way. They have frozen up and are simply shielding their heart in an ice casing. I don’t believe they purposely go out in search of a victim to manipulate, abuse and fuck up. They just like to keep themselves to themselves, both physically and emotionally. However, I will admit, if someone crosses me in a major way, I will freeze them out of my life and pretend they do not exist. It may seem mean but any toxic friends or deadwood need to be frozen out. And as for frigidity, is that really a bad thing? You have so many people sleeping around, is it bad to not want to sleep with the first person you come across? Ice Queens are just people who are waiting for the right person to come along and to melt them to the core. I guess I have been melted, by my significant other. But I still ice out other irrelevant people in my life. So, I may not be a total Ice Queen but I still have my roots intact, the Ice Queen is my alter ego and will always remain so.

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