I have had the most bizarre week speaking to people from my past who I haven’t spoken to in a long time. It may be wise to set up the scene about a particular situation. About two and a half years ago I was dating a guy who had the same group of friends as me. During our relationship he cheated on me with one of my friends. We split up and I went to University in another town. My ex and my friend got it together, within two weeks they were engaged, she got pregnant, they got married and they had their baby. It was made worse because we had the same group of friends and therefore my support network was ripped from me. I had no one to comfort me, to console me, to fight for me. I am not one who makes friends easily which was made harder by having no exisiting friends back at home. One friend was especially two faced who worked both sides. She was my best friend and I had done countless of favours for her, including many long hours listening to her ramblings. Some people have a tendency to be quite fickle, I was not attending University in my hometown and she, being a fickle person, fell for the ‘out of sight, out of mind trap’. This occurred at the beginning of my first year and I am now in the middle of my third.
This ex best friend recently wrote on a mutual friends’ wall on Facebook stating that she does not speak to the group of friends that I once had because she had broken up with her boyfriend and these friends were not keeping in touch. My mother had always said to me that there is such a thing as Karma. When my ex had wronged me, my mother said I should not get too upset, that Karma will force upon their lives sooner or later. And the same applied to my ex best friend. It seems that Karma definitely was delayed in this case. But I think it works better as a delayed reaction than as an instant one. Now my ex best friend will be able to empathise with me and realise that she was supporting two shitty friends and the way she acted was shitty too. My ex best friend had left me when I was at my lowest and kicked me when I was down. And now it seems like the same thing is happening to her. Do not misunderstand me, I am not taking this in vain, I am not revelling in her misfortune. I am a strong believer in justice, something that Karma is motivated to bring about.
“I believe in Karma, what you give is what you get returned.”
Affirmation by Savage Garden
I bought a poster in the poster sale at University when I was in my first year. I needed more posters to cover up the disgusting colour of the walls. The poster was oblong shaped and was titled ‘Instructions For Life by Dalai Lama’. In fact, it was not written by the Dalai Lama. It was a ‘hoax’ sent amongst people as a chain email (you can read comments on this here). I would like to think that someone else attempted to summarise the Dalai Lama’s workings into several, short statements, they certainly sound something the Dalai Lama would encourage. And it does ring true, all should follow this as guidelines for life.
- Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
- Follow the Three R’s: Respect for self. Respect or others. Responsibility for all of your actions,
- Remember that not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- When you realise you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Spend some time alone every day.
- Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
- A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
- Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
- Be gentle with earth.
- Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
- Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need each other.
- Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
- Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
There have been a lot of personal reasons which are evidential proof to me that there is such a thing as Karma. The experience I have had today has been the most enlightening. I already achieve each one of the ‘Instructions For Life’ every single day (minus one or two perhaps, which I am working on). There must be reasons why good is favoured over evil and Karma could be one reason. Bible teachings would agree with the ways of Karmic force, not necessarily Karma itself but the fact that the idea of Karma promotes one to be good to all mankind. I did message my ex best friend and she replied to me. What has been said, has been done and I will not make attempts to become friends with her again. That would mean I would have to be fake, something which I am not. But I have cleared the air, I have never spoken to her about the way I felt towards her actions and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I am someone who naturally holds grudges, I need to cultivate that energy into moving on rather than stalemating the past.
Filed under General, Music
On Friday night/Saturday morning, for some reason I couldn’t get to sleep. This is a known problem, the latest I have been to sleep before is 5am in the morning. However, on this particular occassion I managed to fall asleep at 2pm, I had a little snooze for about an hour. This meant that I had stayed up 24 hours minus the nap I had. It had then come to Saturday night/Sunday morning and I fell asleep somewhere around 8am. This must mean that I had spent 48 hours awake. My body clock is so confused at the moment and I do not know how to correct it.
Do I have insomnia? Or is it sleep phase disorder? It feels like I have jet lag. This pattern of not sleeping was only a rare occassion, usually I have no more than 8 hours sleep every night. I don’t wake up late because I have had more sleep than usual. I wake up late because my body has become used to being nocturnal. I always joked about being a night owl but this really is ridiculous! I have a degree to complete, final year is majorly important. I can’t afford to miss my lectures and seminars. And being awake when a large majority of people in the UK are asleep is just not healthy let alone normal. Our bodies need to be exposed to light, this is how we function.
It is a real difficulty for me to get up in the mornings too. I have tried all things to get me up, including the old ‘alarm trick on the other side of the room’ thing. Nothing works. I feel disappointed in myself and I feel lazy, even though it isn’t anything to do with laziness. I think, most of the time I go to sleep late because I fear sleeping. I fear not being able to wake myself in time for an important lecture or seminar. I will proceed to stay up all night, so that I can go to my lecture or seminar and not miss it. But eventually, my body naturally calls itself to sleep and I end up waking up late, which reinforces the fear more so.
Sunday night/this morning I stayed up too, I somehow dozed off at 9am and didn’t wake up till 4pm. That’s not the worst part, the worst part is that at about 5.30pm I went to sleep again till 8pm. This isn’t a normal sleeping pattern, even for me. And I don’t know how to correct it, I feel so deflated and disorientated. I haven’t even eaten yet, I’m going to eat after I’ve posted this blog. Yes, my blog is more important than my hunger. If anyone can share any light on this seemingly bizarre phenomenon then please comment.